I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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