Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
