so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
