Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
