I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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