I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
