I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
