i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
