fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
