I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize