it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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