A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
