I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
