I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize