i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
