Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
