How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
