based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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