wanna go halves on a baby?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
