This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
