____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
