and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
