You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
