5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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