I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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