party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
