i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
