tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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