I just made out with a guy for $7.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My bed smells like the plague
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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