Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My dick has a subreddit
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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