I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize