If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
