I think I won the penis lottery.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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