Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I want is dick and wine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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