Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
