"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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