i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
