So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
