He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
