Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize