so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize