if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
