this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
