when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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