Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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