so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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