I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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