She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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