You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
