Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
