The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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