they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize