I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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