I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
