Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
