she woke up with a sticky ear
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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