TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
