discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
