I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
