the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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