Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
