as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
