If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
