Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize