So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
