i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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