Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
