I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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