my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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