Apparently you make a good broom.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
