I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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