Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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