Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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