She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
