i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
