I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize