I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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